She is RAD to me.

My baby sister, Amanda seemed to have gotten the short stick in life. For those who are not familiar with her background or are story let me set the stage. Amanda and her half-sister Britnee, also my sister, are both adopted. I was a young teenager when we adopted them and was completely thrilled to have two little sisters. Britnee is a teenager nearing her completion in high school. She plays piano, always seems to be happy, and is one of my dear friends. Amanda is a few years younger. One of my favorite things about her is the way she loves my kids and how amazing she is with them. The hard part has been her life long struggle to cope with who she is. She has something called Reactive Attachment Disorder. If you are not familiar with it, please do your homework on it. Amanda does not deserve this, neither do my parents. Her first year of life handed her abuse and neglect and because of what her birth mother did or did not do, Amanda now greatly suffers. She has lived at Hope House for over a year now. I have honestly become numb to the fact that my baby sister is not someone I can see or even call when I want. My son, especially adores her and is lucky to see her once a month. She is only 14 but has dealt with more junk in life than I have and I am more than twice her age. She does not love or even like the person that she is, and to make things worse does not even get to live with her family who would love to try to show her there is hope for her and she is loved. My parents made the extremely tough decision to place her in a group home for struggling teenagers who have some of the same difficulties she does. It was not a decision supported by everyone around us, but it is what saved my parent's marriage and our family. A year later it often seems to me that we have gotten no where and I just want her back, but know she will likely fall into the same destructive behaviors she dealt with while living at home. Now I don't even know what to think or do. I know that I missing out on being a part of my baby sister's life and my kids don't get to see their aunt. It really is just not fair and that is really how I feel. Luckily, there is hope. Sometimes it seems like very little and this is one of the few times I am actually letting my guts out to be seen. My family is literally scattered all over the world. My baby brother lives in Korea, my other brother is away from his wife and selfessly sacrificing for our country as he is deployed. Britnee and I are the two siblings near our parents. If you're reading this, thank you. Pray for my sister and for the strength of my parents. We need wisdom. We need hope. We have it in the Lord, but the road ahead seems very long.

Who Knew Pee Could Be So Exciting?

I think my biggest joy today was Hudson FINALLY going potty for me! He has gone for Justin and Mema, but seemed to be playing a little game with me. Today he finally went under my watch and I couldn't praise my little guy enough. Seeing the smile on his face as I praised him was pretty amazing though. He is just a few days shy of his 3rd birthday and there is hope that this little guy will soon be graduating from daytime diapers. Next on my rejoicing checklist--seeing Avonlea walk. She has taken a few steps here and there but I am sure in no time she will be waltzing everywhere. Oh the simple joys my kids bring!